General Update

We'll start on a negative note.....

I don't really want the answer to this but I do need to ask...what the hell is up with all my browser issues?  If my blog is hosted on Google and I try to log in using Chrome, shouldn't I have a great experience?  The answer, to me, is yes, to my computer, is apparently different.  To my smug as hell Mac friends, shut it.  I love my Google and my PC.  I shun your Mac and Firefox....However, on my marketing travels I have come to learn that certain platforms "like" certain" browsers, so I have found it necessary to become familiar with all of the popular browsers, despite my opinions.  I honestly know that IE is widely out of favor, but I hate change.  I tried Chrome, and got used to many of the features only to find that many sites "liked" Firefox.  Well guess what, I don't.  Well guess what else, I don't count for jack squat.  I have all three browsers loaded on both of my laptops and I get to constantly struggle to learn who likes what.  Hey internet, how about thinking about what Suzanne likes for a change??  My children have clearly influenced the internet because it listens no more than them.

From www.sdmomfia.com - Life in a Blender

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If you read the launch column on April 25th, you know I have a positive take on the blended family, even though they are challenging.  The point in creating this series is to offer positive solutions, alternatives and resourceful thinking to people in blended families.  Think about it, do you know anyone that does not have some aspect of a blended family in their lives?  Off the top of my head I cannot think of a single family I know who does not have a divorce or a step kid, parent somewhere in the mix.  Are they as complex as mine, mostly no, but blended families happen all the time.  We might as well make the best of it.

So let’s start from the beginning.  My parents split when I was about ten.  They were mostly a good example of how to co-parent.  Newly split parents read this twice.  They never bad mouthed the other, and they could have and they probably should have, but they didn’t because they knew it would be hurtful to me.  The ex may be a gigantic idiot, it doesn’t help your kids to have that told to them.   Your kids want to feel loyal to both parents and it’s not their fault you could not make it work.  Don’t make it their burden to try and feel loyal to both of you when you give them reasons not to.   Mind you, your ex might be a total dingleberry, but that is not your kids’ burden, that’s your bad choice.  We all make them.

When my parents split my mom left me with my Dad.  There were good reasons for this, no need to discuss here.  I’m sure it was hard for her to do this, but it was the right thing at the time.  By the time I was about 13 my Dad and I were really butting heads.  In a genius and selfless act my Dad moved out of the house and my Mom moved in the same weekend.   I have no idea how they pulled this off financially, but it allowed me to have my Mom back when she was more equipped to deal with me and my Dad got some freedom in the bargain.  Most importantly it allowed me to have stability with school and the same neighbors I had grown up with.  I have never heard of another family where parents did this.  I thought it was cool at the time, but I didn’t get the depth of love this took at the time.  They put me first.  You’ll find this as a recurring theme in the blog, the kids simply come first.

When my parents were single it was easier.  My Dad dated a totally fun lady once, but she had an annoying younger daughter and she lived at the beach and there were lots of bugs.  My Mom dated and eventually married a great man.  We butted heads at times, but not often.  Dad landed a great woman as well, though I didn’t always think so…

So now let’s get to the Step Mother.  Now, I am a Step Mother, so I’ve seen both sides.  Dad married Sandee 25 years ago this year.  Sandee was then and is now a vivacious, spirited, cute, generous and kind woman.   I adore her these days.

She met me when I was 13, angry, in junior high, enough said.  I don’t think at that point in time that any woman would have been a welcomed addition in my life.  And live and learn comes to mind here.  I took many things she said personally and I think she did the same.  Her daughter would be introduced as “our” daughter and I would be introduced as Jim’s daughter.  I took that as a sign of rejection.  I would introduce my Dad as my Dad, and then say, and this is Sandee.  Sandee took that as a lack of acknowledgment of her being my Step Mom.

I suspect both of us were innocent in our words.  Sandee likely didn’t want to say she was my mom because that would be rude to my Mom.  Introducing Sandee as Sandee for me, didn’t feel like I was disrespecting her, but in her mind it did.  Years later I get all of this. I’m not sure what might have made this situation better. There were so many hurtful things, family therapy, attempts to bond.  As a teenager, I’m just not sure I had the maturity to do this, and I was genuinely hurt by the fact that they had their great family and I was the outsider.

And by the way, don’t think I couldn’t write twice as many blogs about the crappy aspects of stepfamilies!  I’m no Pollyanna, that’s for sure!  Hang in there blenders!