I Don't Have all the Answers

What?  I don't?  Yeah, I don't.  And although I pride myself on seeing things pretty black and white, with an ability to be on target with a plan....I find myself challenged.  To be fair, I am challenged on many levels.  We will discuss one here.

My youngest daughter is 11.  She is bright, socially accepted, loved by her teachers, liked by peers, given praise from leaders and fellow parents, gets good grades, and is an all around good kid.....BUT....yes, the big but....she fails to take responsibility for anything.

Five people in the house, she argues with four of us.  The fifth one is her and if she argued with that one, well, we have a different issue.  We all appreciate the art of negotiation....this kid...not so much.  We nail her on the inability to negotiate or take responsibility.  Guess what she does?  She fails to negotiate OR take responsibility.  

You can debate with this kid until you die.  She will not give in, she will not settle.  She will not see your way.  She will stay in her room as long as you demand.  She will say she gets it later.  But next time, she will be just the same.  

Advice.....how do you handle this kid?

The Way we Train our Kids

I'm sure I didn't invent any of the concepts I will talk about here.  My kids are 14, 13 and 11, all girls.  We have a blended family.   When my girls were younger, before I was remarried, I realized I trained the kids I had.  I think my girls were about six and three when I figured it out.  I had trained my kids that I only meant business by the time I asked the third time.  That I really meant what I said when I really yelled, not just raised my voice.   I got my way, every time, eventually.  The price was, I walked away feeling like I won by being the world's biggest jerk.

I trained the kids I had.  If it took six times to really get me to mean business, I guess I'd have kids that knew it took six times asking to really get them to do what I wanted.  If I asked and asked and never held them accountable, I guess they never would be.  We train the kids we have.  Parents who say they can't get their kids to do things have trained them not to do anything.  

I don't have perfect kids.  I have normal kids, they have issues, weaknesses and strengths.  However, I do know how to get results....most of the time.  I'm not a fool proof parent.  What I was lucky enough to learn when they were little is, I have control, not them, and if I allow them to take an inch, they will take a mile.  When I learned they did better with boundaries, even when it sucked for me, it was truly enlightening.  Any good parent knows it is WAY more difficult to be a good parent than a fun one.  Hopefully you love your kids enough to be a good parent.  The great news in my enlightenment was, I can be a good parent without walking away feeling like a jerk by setting boundaries. 

Years ago I used to have terrible mornings with the kids.  I nagged them to get up, yelled at them to get dressed, screamed when they weren't ready to get out the door at the right time.  I drove to work years ago feeling like a jerk daily.  I vowed to make it better, but day after day went the same.  Somehow things started to change.  I made the girls set alarms.  I made them accountable, without yelling.  They knew I would be more than happy to drive them to school in their PJ's and walk them in late and let them explain.  This was truly empowering.  I figured some of this out on my own, the rest came from my friend Shannon who offered me the Love and Consequences series of CD's.  I can't recall the author, but it was so simple and I'm sure a google search will yield the results.

The take away....give consequences with expectations and when the kid screws up, offer extreme sympathy but hold the line.  Example.  Kid needs to come home by 10 PM or the next night they must come home by 9.  Simple, you don't have to yell, you just set the scene.  Kid comes home at 10:15 PM.  You never yell, you never act upset.  Instead you say, Wow Kid, you came home late.  It is really going to suck when you have to be home even earlier tomorrow.  Your friends are going to be so bummed you have to leave even earlier.  I am so sorry that you have to go through that, your friends may tease you, that will be tough.   It sounds so lame, but on my word it works with kids of all ages. 

My kids were floored when I quit yelling.  I stopped feeling like the world's biggest jerk.  It took years to really hone it and I still have my days, but I am telling you.....it will amaze you.

Never Buy a Samsung Dryer

Will this be my funniest post, no.  Will it be interesting, not nearly as others about my crazy kids, birthdays or pets.  Do I have to write it, YES.  This one is about justice.

We bought a Samsung dryer in January of 2010.  If you know Donald you know he does his homework when we make the bigger purchases.  I tend to go less expensive, he pushes me to spend more, but always finds the best deal.  This is exactly what happened with the dryer.  I took a trip to Lowe's and Home Depot, he did some research and found our dryer at Sears for the best price.  Now here is where I fault the salesperson.  A salesperson should have the facts before they sell something.  I know retail stores have ridiculous budgets, pay next to nothing and training is relegated to a rep that may or may not exist.  I will rephrase that, I guess I can't blame the salesperson if they didn't have the facts, but I am done with Sears.  I was done with them before, but they did have a good deal.  No, I am done.

Here is what we and the salesperson did not know.  I'm going to presume the salesperson didn't know because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.   We never buy the extended warranty.  It's a total rip off, most of the time.  The two we have bought never panned out, but I do know a few people they have worked well for.  I always have faith that the things I buy will work more than 3 years.  What was I thinking?  So the dryer died last week.  Powers on, but won't work.  My handy dandy Donald took the back off and promptly diagnosed a frayed belt and proclaimed a cheap repair was to be had.

This brings me to my last appliance repair guy, found on Kudzu with good reviews.  He came to fix the last dryer we had, charged us $70 and it worked for about 3 days and then died for good.   In his defense, he warned us it could happen.  On a side note, I recommended him to a good friend and he didn't do a very good job, so he is off the list so to speak.  However, that same good friend found a good repair guy.  I was happy to have her recommendation.  Donald called the referral and he informed us that Samsung only uses authorized repair people and wished us good luck because we were gonna get reamed.

That repair guy was psychic because when we called La Mesa Appliance Repair they were more than happy to send a guy out and we did get reamed.  He walked in the door, informed me the trip charge was $69.95, and labor for the belt would be just over $130.  My husband had already taken the back off of the dryer...so he should have actually charged us half, but that's just me being snotty.  The belt was $22.  He was here 5 minutes, no lie, and he did not put the dryer back together.  It took me longer to write the check than it did for him to put the belt on.

That same week I heard Samsung shipped a bunch of laptops with keystroke tracking software.  So hopefully that and my mighty blog will deal them a blow from which they have difficulty overcoming.  HA

My Sweetheart

It's my sweetheart's birthday on April 3rd.  He's not feeling well so he went to bed, so I thought I would take this opportunity to write his birthday blog.   Donald and I have been married four years as most people know.  He is my third husband, as most people know.  He is also my favorite husband, as is most obvious by his wonderful demeanor, patience, love of our family, and so many other things.  He is a real man who understands what is truly important in this life.  I thank God for him every day.

Before we got married Donald I and ventured to the river a few times with the kids.  I will never forget the first trip we took to Parker with friends.  Donald grew up as a desert person and he rode his waverunner in the ocean.  The river was a new experience.  He had met some of the friends and many of the neighbors, but they had never been to the river with him.  Donald was literally a fish out of water when he busted out his waverunner gear.  When you are at the river, you wear a life jacket and you jump on your runner and go.  Donald, on the other hand, had booties, a rash guard, waterproof safe for paperwork, all the bells and whistles.  Everyone was good natured about it, and Donald laughed at himself.  He still takes way too much precautions in anchoring the boats, but he also has to deal with people like me, who constantly loses anchors to the bottom of the river.  I also run him over when we load the boats on the trailer, and he never gets angry.  If you read this, ask him about the time he burned the hair off his arms lighting a BBQ at the river.

Donald is an amazing Dad.  He has a capacity for love that has no boundaries.  He loves the girls at their best and at their worst all the same.  He has a strong shoulder for them to lean on and a hard line they cannot cross.  He is loving, but disciplined.  Caring, but not a door mat.  He is a young man's biggest challenge.   He is the girls' champion and advocate.  He supports all of their efforts and always go the extra mile for them.  He spends many weekends mostly devoted to their activities.   He enforces the rules with love and consequences.  He just about never raises his voice.  These girls will no doubt look back upon their childhood with respect and love towards this wonderful Father.  Not all Dads can go to bed at night with that kind of confidence.  Donald can, even if he doesn't know it.  During the years he was in school. he missed some of their activities.   He has more than made up for those years.  I hope to do the same.

Donald hates cats.  Oh wait, except the three he built an entire 14 ft high, 30 foot long catwalk for...he hates the rest of cats.  Oh wait, except the outside cats he helps feed and tame.  Yeah, the rest of cats.  Oh wait, except the cats of friends he pets.  Yeah, the rest of cats.  Oh wait, except the shelter cats he entertains when he services their account and sends me pictures of to make me jealous.  So, the rest of cats, those are the ones he hates.   So basically he likes cats.

Donald can fix anything, which is really good because I break a lot of stuff.  Years ago I put my ass through a wall (literally) and he fixed it.  He laughed his ass off, but he fixed it.  He fixes appliances, furniture, computers, walls.....The best part is, when he knows he is out of his league, he has no issue calling a professional!  He makes sure the cars are serviced, the yard is taken care of and household projects happen without me....because I screw stuff up!  I break stuff, he fixes stuff....a match made in heaven.

We have so many funny stories and inside jokes.  I cherish them.  The bathroom at Ross, lime in the eye, the Corona bottle, bacon, what??...I could go on.   Donald you are a wonderful partner and friend.  I am as lucky as anyone could be.  I think the world of you and thank God every day that you are in my life and the lives of our girls.