A Breakthrough Day

Sometimes you just never know what your day will behold.  Maybe that is what gets us out of bed in the morning, or, keeps you hiding under the covers.  I suppose it goes both ways depending on the day.  I certainly didn't know my day would turn out the way it did.

I know how my day ended yesterday....another night of not being able to sleep, indulgence of all the wrong kinds and general stress.

Turns out, I got off easy in some regards.  I had something taken off my plate that I should probably have given up myself previously.  But if you know me, I gotta do it all, and perfectly.  Where the hell did I get this perfect gene?  Have you met my parents??  Sorry Dad.  Don't worry, he will laugh.  So that was a blessing even though I will miss the tasks and interaction.  Truly, a blessing, despite the things I will miss dearly.  But, no bridges burned, and you never know what the future brings.

Next on the agenda.  I had all but decided, despite all of the blog comments I received, that I was not attending graduation.  I really just want to spend the time with my Dad.  I knew I could win this battle relatively easy.  I knew.  When Donald graduated it was a day long experience, culminating in seeing him walk over a stage from at least 100 yards away, with kids who were not pleased to be attending.  This was my out.  My youngest was not pleased with that day.  She is 11 now, 8 then.  I knew I could win this fight using her to my advantage.  So the other night Donald and I were discussing graduation and I was expressing my DEMAND not to attend and he was explaining why I needed to go.  So the youngest was in the room, and I decided to make my move.  I said, "Haley, do you recall Donald's graduation that took forever and we could barely see him and the day was nice, but you hated it"?  She sort of agreed without committing.   I think Donald may have gotten to her.  Damn him.  So I continued, "and remember you were so bored all day, and that is exactly what will happen at my graduation, so don't you think we should just skip and spend the day with Papa and Nana?"  And that little traitor said, "NO, isn't that kind of important to go to?"  UUUGGGHHHHH.  I guess my constant dialogue of get your degree, get your degree, get your degree has resonated with at least one of them, and damned if it wasn't the one I pinned my plan of attack on.  

I decided today to attend, I ordered my tickets, arranged extra tickets and ordered my cap and gown.  I will try not to grumble too much. 

So I got a lot of other stuff done, as I do in a normal day.  I had retreated to my new spot on the patio to work on the paper I have due on Saturday (that I have not started).  It was about 6:30 PM.  Donald was yelling at me to come out front so I went to the front door to explain that I would not be coming out because I was not dressed or showered.  I work at home, back off!   He yelled back that the feral kittens were living under the deck of our neighbor across the street.  If you don't read my blog, you don't know about the cats.  Long story.  One Mama cat had kittens about 3.6 weeks ago as far as I can tell.   OK, kittens, I'm in, shower, no shower, etc.  I'm such a sucker for animals in need.  So we caught 3 kittens, and no it wasn't easy.  I took 2 trips to the pet store, they are not weaned, and don't get me started on the other stuff.  I will tame them and find them good homes.

I never did work on the paper, but I snuggled kittens (which is way better).  You never know what your day might bring.  Today turned out pretty good.

Life in a Blender

I’ve been kicking around launching a blog series on life in a blended family for quite some time. As a matter of fact, when I went back to school in February of 2009, my very first class was a writing and research class and I wrote a research paper on step families and strategies for success. I caught the writing bug and launched my blog shortly after that, but I have yet to discuss much of my experience in a blended family…until now.
Although I lack a degree in psychology, I did take some classes back in the day. What I think makes me as qualified as any PhD is my life experience. I am a step kid, I have step siblings, I have had step parents since I was 14, I have a step daughter, a step son from my ex husband who is not technically my step son these days, but I love him just as much. My kids are step kids, they have a half brother and step sister and their step sister has a half brother. I am a second wife and my husband is a third husband. Throw in some surrogacy and adoption on my current husband’s side and I think I am ever so qualified to write about this. I’ll get into specifics in future posts.
As I launch this series, it is important to know that although our situation seems like a scattered mess in many regards if you read the above paragraph, we really do have common goals in raising our blended families. We have strong communication, we genuinely like, and respect our exes and we all get that this is about the kids and not our failed relationships. That being said, oh we have had our challenges. Every one of us. What we have now is the result of years of struggling, trial and error and doing the best we could for our kids. I believe I have the objectivity to write about these very personal issues with compassion while giving hope to some who may be struggling with what I have dealt with.

Even though this is the first in this series and introductory in nature, I think it is important you know more about my current situation. I am married to a wonderful man with a 13 year old daughter he shares custody with his ex. My daughters are 14 and 11 and I too share custody. The father of my daughters has a 19 year old son that I still consider my own. His father and I spent years fighting for visitation while his mother broke many laws, yet we lost in court over and over. All things considered we have fantastic kids. All sports and activity oriented, all goal planners, great grades, community and church involvement….can’t ask for much more.
What will be interesting about this series is what has happened before today that got us here. Blended families have unreasonable challenges. A higher divorce rate, the exes, money and child support issues, my kid is perfect and yours sucks, why can’t my kid get along with your kids, why do you always take your kids’ side?? We fight. If you are in a blended family, you do to. We do to this day, but less and less. I think I can help. Blended families are hard. There is help.

Log on to http://www.sdmomfia.com/ every two weeks to read more of Life in a Blender.

Blended Family Column

 It's published here - http://sdmomfia.com/2011/04/25/life-in-a-blender-living-in-a-blended-family/

I'm Pregnant

Close your mouth and read.  

If you read my blog you know I am just weeks away from earning my college degree. In a nutshell, I never really felt like I needed a degree to get ahead, but it bothered me that I didn't finish school and I think it is important to walk the walk with my teenage daughters. I have been a full time student since Feb 2009 with one month off ONLY during that time. No summers, no breaks, no time for vacations, etc. I did school work while on vacation at the river, while visiting my niece in Colorado, and missed a lot over the course of the last few years. I am not complaining, just saying there have been sacrifices. I have missed some kid stuff, some fun stuff, family time, etc.
Nine weeks until I turn in my last assignment, post, quiz, final paper, etc. Oh and if you don't know, I am an over achiever, so I have to get A's. I don't come undone often, but a bad grade is sure to send me over the edge. Needless to say they don't happen often. Donald survived....barely. He tried to "help", can you imagine a time less likely for me to accept help??
I never caught senioritis. I still want A's. I just can't accept anything except A's. Everyone has told me that towards the end I will stop caring. I have not. That being said, I am feeling antsy towards being done, combined with the need for great grades. I have said to a number of people, I hope I live to graduate. Silly of course because certainly I will. But I was unable to really get a handle on the exact feeling I am having until tonight when a friend posted something to me on Facebook.
I posted
Took almost an entire day away from the computer with the exception of school work. Got the patio more summer ready with color and greenery and I think I even relaxed for a little while. 9 weeks until school is over for me. I hope I live that long. It's getting hairy these days.
Great friend posted
You rock. You will do it with flying colors... Try to enjoy your success instead of trying to survive it! You have worked so hard. Take a little credit for your achievement.. I know you don't reward yourself but you need to pat yourself on the back!
Her post of encouragement made me think about being pregnant. Towards the end of my pregnancy with Sam (my oldest) I just wanted to survive. I was fat, tired, scared, unsure what to think, looking forward to a change while being intimidated at the same time. I also did not want to attend the birth of my child. I wanted her dearly, but I didn't want to be there to deliver her. Hello, that is the ultimate in scary (turns out it was easy and awesome).

I've concluded, I am pregnant with a degree. I'm fat, tired, scared, unsure of what this change means, and I don't want to attend graduation! I just want the degree. It's a two year plus pregnancy, I'm afraid I'll never lose the baby weight, that I won't be good enough to have such a great degree, and I have no idea what I will do with my time when I don't have school. Thanks for the deep thought Facebook friend.