Maybe I do Need to Blog

Ever since I finished my degree and the stress of school has been off of me I haven't felt the need for the blog outlet.  I guess school was that thing that broke the camel's back because I still have the economy, three kids, two teenagers, one preteen whose attitude may very well equal that of a hat full of assholes, too many sports, your grades were what?, emergency rooms, you're allergic to what?, my student loan is due, and I could go on for at least three more blogs.  It seems the time has come for the outlet again.

Now what do you ask is the most recent need for this outlet?   I have these conversations with these people in my home.  People who have small children post funny conversations they have with their children on Facebook.  I remember those.  That was back when I thought parenting was really difficult.  I had NO IDEA.  One time a thousand years ago Sam was three and  in the back seat of the mini van back when I had a mini van and the conversation went like this:

Sam:  "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH Loud Noises Blah, Non Sense"   For like 10 minutes straight
My 80 year old Grandmother was in the car and I'd had about enough
Me:  "Sam that's enough noise, be quiet"
Sam:  "LA LA LA LA TELE TUBBIES BLAH"
Me:  "Sam, enough or I'll pull the car over"
Sam: (30 seconds into the silence) "Mommy are you going to pull the car over now????"

OK so that's funny
She was three

She is 15 now.  I have these conversations with these people in my home.  I am an adult.  Sometimes I feel like there are cameras in my home and someone will pop out from "behind the scenes" and the whole thing will be an episode of candid camera, or sometimes the Dr Phil show (I would kick his ass) or some other unreal reality show.  One thing is for sure, I had no idea I'd be having these conversations.

Sam:  "I feel sick, like I might throw up"
Me:  "How can I help"
Sam:  "You can't"
Me:  "Wanna sleep down here?"
Sam:  "No"
Me:  "Want some tea?"
Sam:  "No"
Me:  "Want me to come upstairs?"
Sam:  "No"
Me:  "How can I help?"
Sam:  "You can't"
Me:  "What do you want me to do?"
Sam:  "Nothing"
Me:  "OK"
Sam:  "I feel horrible"
Me:  "Sorry"
Sam:  "I just feel hot and cold and disgusting"
Me:  "How can I help"
Sam:  "You can't"
-Silence-   She won't go away
Sam:   "I'm going to barf"
Me:  "OK did you catch a bug?"
Sam:  "I don't know, My stomach hurts"
Me:  "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"
Sam:  "I feel hot"
Me:  "Can you go to bed?"
Sam:  "I'm dizzy"
Me:  "Why are you dizzy?"
Sam:  "I'm thirsty"

Getting the gist here.....the kid makes no freaking sense.....12 years later.  I've always said it, it's like a who's on first routine.  It doesn't help that she is on prednisone right now for her asthma, but this is a relatively normal occurrence.

Parents of precious little kids who say funny things you post on Facebook, enjoy that.   In the wink of an eye they are going to say things that make you think you must surely be on a reality show because there is no sane explanation for why they are saying the shit they are saying.  Worse yet, you are gonna say some really stupid stuff back.

General Update

We'll start on a negative note.....

I don't really want the answer to this but I do need to ask...what the hell is up with all my browser issues?  If my blog is hosted on Google and I try to log in using Chrome, shouldn't I have a great experience?  The answer, to me, is yes, to my computer, is apparently different.  To my smug as hell Mac friends, shut it.  I love my Google and my PC.  I shun your Mac and Firefox....However, on my marketing travels I have come to learn that certain platforms "like" certain" browsers, so I have found it necessary to become familiar with all of the popular browsers, despite my opinions.  I honestly know that IE is widely out of favor, but I hate change.  I tried Chrome, and got used to many of the features only to find that many sites "liked" Firefox.  Well guess what, I don't.  Well guess what else, I don't count for jack squat.  I have all three browsers loaded on both of my laptops and I get to constantly struggle to learn who likes what.  Hey internet, how about thinking about what Suzanne likes for a change??  My children have clearly influenced the internet because it listens no more than them.

From www.sdmomfia.com - Life in a Blender

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If you read the launch column on April 25th, you know I have a positive take on the blended family, even though they are challenging.  The point in creating this series is to offer positive solutions, alternatives and resourceful thinking to people in blended families.  Think about it, do you know anyone that does not have some aspect of a blended family in their lives?  Off the top of my head I cannot think of a single family I know who does not have a divorce or a step kid, parent somewhere in the mix.  Are they as complex as mine, mostly no, but blended families happen all the time.  We might as well make the best of it.

So let’s start from the beginning.  My parents split when I was about ten.  They were mostly a good example of how to co-parent.  Newly split parents read this twice.  They never bad mouthed the other, and they could have and they probably should have, but they didn’t because they knew it would be hurtful to me.  The ex may be a gigantic idiot, it doesn’t help your kids to have that told to them.   Your kids want to feel loyal to both parents and it’s not their fault you could not make it work.  Don’t make it their burden to try and feel loyal to both of you when you give them reasons not to.   Mind you, your ex might be a total dingleberry, but that is not your kids’ burden, that’s your bad choice.  We all make them.

When my parents split my mom left me with my Dad.  There were good reasons for this, no need to discuss here.  I’m sure it was hard for her to do this, but it was the right thing at the time.  By the time I was about 13 my Dad and I were really butting heads.  In a genius and selfless act my Dad moved out of the house and my Mom moved in the same weekend.   I have no idea how they pulled this off financially, but it allowed me to have my Mom back when she was more equipped to deal with me and my Dad got some freedom in the bargain.  Most importantly it allowed me to have stability with school and the same neighbors I had grown up with.  I have never heard of another family where parents did this.  I thought it was cool at the time, but I didn’t get the depth of love this took at the time.  They put me first.  You’ll find this as a recurring theme in the blog, the kids simply come first.

When my parents were single it was easier.  My Dad dated a totally fun lady once, but she had an annoying younger daughter and she lived at the beach and there were lots of bugs.  My Mom dated and eventually married a great man.  We butted heads at times, but not often.  Dad landed a great woman as well, though I didn’t always think so…

So now let’s get to the Step Mother.  Now, I am a Step Mother, so I’ve seen both sides.  Dad married Sandee 25 years ago this year.  Sandee was then and is now a vivacious, spirited, cute, generous and kind woman.   I adore her these days.

She met me when I was 13, angry, in junior high, enough said.  I don’t think at that point in time that any woman would have been a welcomed addition in my life.  And live and learn comes to mind here.  I took many things she said personally and I think she did the same.  Her daughter would be introduced as “our” daughter and I would be introduced as Jim’s daughter.  I took that as a sign of rejection.  I would introduce my Dad as my Dad, and then say, and this is Sandee.  Sandee took that as a lack of acknowledgment of her being my Step Mom.

I suspect both of us were innocent in our words.  Sandee likely didn’t want to say she was my mom because that would be rude to my Mom.  Introducing Sandee as Sandee for me, didn’t feel like I was disrespecting her, but in her mind it did.  Years later I get all of this. I’m not sure what might have made this situation better. There were so many hurtful things, family therapy, attempts to bond.  As a teenager, I’m just not sure I had the maturity to do this, and I was genuinely hurt by the fact that they had their great family and I was the outsider.

And by the way, don’t think I couldn’t write twice as many blogs about the crappy aspects of stepfamilies!  I’m no Pollyanna, that’s for sure!  Hang in there blenders!

A Breakthrough Day

Sometimes you just never know what your day will behold.  Maybe that is what gets us out of bed in the morning, or, keeps you hiding under the covers.  I suppose it goes both ways depending on the day.  I certainly didn't know my day would turn out the way it did.

I know how my day ended yesterday....another night of not being able to sleep, indulgence of all the wrong kinds and general stress.

Turns out, I got off easy in some regards.  I had something taken off my plate that I should probably have given up myself previously.  But if you know me, I gotta do it all, and perfectly.  Where the hell did I get this perfect gene?  Have you met my parents??  Sorry Dad.  Don't worry, he will laugh.  So that was a blessing even though I will miss the tasks and interaction.  Truly, a blessing, despite the things I will miss dearly.  But, no bridges burned, and you never know what the future brings.

Next on the agenda.  I had all but decided, despite all of the blog comments I received, that I was not attending graduation.  I really just want to spend the time with my Dad.  I knew I could win this battle relatively easy.  I knew.  When Donald graduated it was a day long experience, culminating in seeing him walk over a stage from at least 100 yards away, with kids who were not pleased to be attending.  This was my out.  My youngest was not pleased with that day.  She is 11 now, 8 then.  I knew I could win this fight using her to my advantage.  So the other night Donald and I were discussing graduation and I was expressing my DEMAND not to attend and he was explaining why I needed to go.  So the youngest was in the room, and I decided to make my move.  I said, "Haley, do you recall Donald's graduation that took forever and we could barely see him and the day was nice, but you hated it"?  She sort of agreed without committing.   I think Donald may have gotten to her.  Damn him.  So I continued, "and remember you were so bored all day, and that is exactly what will happen at my graduation, so don't you think we should just skip and spend the day with Papa and Nana?"  And that little traitor said, "NO, isn't that kind of important to go to?"  UUUGGGHHHHH.  I guess my constant dialogue of get your degree, get your degree, get your degree has resonated with at least one of them, and damned if it wasn't the one I pinned my plan of attack on.  

I decided today to attend, I ordered my tickets, arranged extra tickets and ordered my cap and gown.  I will try not to grumble too much. 

So I got a lot of other stuff done, as I do in a normal day.  I had retreated to my new spot on the patio to work on the paper I have due on Saturday (that I have not started).  It was about 6:30 PM.  Donald was yelling at me to come out front so I went to the front door to explain that I would not be coming out because I was not dressed or showered.  I work at home, back off!   He yelled back that the feral kittens were living under the deck of our neighbor across the street.  If you don't read my blog, you don't know about the cats.  Long story.  One Mama cat had kittens about 3.6 weeks ago as far as I can tell.   OK, kittens, I'm in, shower, no shower, etc.  I'm such a sucker for animals in need.  So we caught 3 kittens, and no it wasn't easy.  I took 2 trips to the pet store, they are not weaned, and don't get me started on the other stuff.  I will tame them and find them good homes.

I never did work on the paper, but I snuggled kittens (which is way better).  You never know what your day might bring.  Today turned out pretty good.

Life in a Blender

I’ve been kicking around launching a blog series on life in a blended family for quite some time. As a matter of fact, when I went back to school in February of 2009, my very first class was a writing and research class and I wrote a research paper on step families and strategies for success. I caught the writing bug and launched my blog shortly after that, but I have yet to discuss much of my experience in a blended family…until now.
Although I lack a degree in psychology, I did take some classes back in the day. What I think makes me as qualified as any PhD is my life experience. I am a step kid, I have step siblings, I have had step parents since I was 14, I have a step daughter, a step son from my ex husband who is not technically my step son these days, but I love him just as much. My kids are step kids, they have a half brother and step sister and their step sister has a half brother. I am a second wife and my husband is a third husband. Throw in some surrogacy and adoption on my current husband’s side and I think I am ever so qualified to write about this. I’ll get into specifics in future posts.
As I launch this series, it is important to know that although our situation seems like a scattered mess in many regards if you read the above paragraph, we really do have common goals in raising our blended families. We have strong communication, we genuinely like, and respect our exes and we all get that this is about the kids and not our failed relationships. That being said, oh we have had our challenges. Every one of us. What we have now is the result of years of struggling, trial and error and doing the best we could for our kids. I believe I have the objectivity to write about these very personal issues with compassion while giving hope to some who may be struggling with what I have dealt with.

Even though this is the first in this series and introductory in nature, I think it is important you know more about my current situation. I am married to a wonderful man with a 13 year old daughter he shares custody with his ex. My daughters are 14 and 11 and I too share custody. The father of my daughters has a 19 year old son that I still consider my own. His father and I spent years fighting for visitation while his mother broke many laws, yet we lost in court over and over. All things considered we have fantastic kids. All sports and activity oriented, all goal planners, great grades, community and church involvement….can’t ask for much more.
What will be interesting about this series is what has happened before today that got us here. Blended families have unreasonable challenges. A higher divorce rate, the exes, money and child support issues, my kid is perfect and yours sucks, why can’t my kid get along with your kids, why do you always take your kids’ side?? We fight. If you are in a blended family, you do to. We do to this day, but less and less. I think I can help. Blended families are hard. There is help.

Log on to http://www.sdmomfia.com/ every two weeks to read more of Life in a Blender.

Blended Family Column

 It's published here - http://sdmomfia.com/2011/04/25/life-in-a-blender-living-in-a-blended-family/

I'm Pregnant

Close your mouth and read.  

If you read my blog you know I am just weeks away from earning my college degree. In a nutshell, I never really felt like I needed a degree to get ahead, but it bothered me that I didn't finish school and I think it is important to walk the walk with my teenage daughters. I have been a full time student since Feb 2009 with one month off ONLY during that time. No summers, no breaks, no time for vacations, etc. I did school work while on vacation at the river, while visiting my niece in Colorado, and missed a lot over the course of the last few years. I am not complaining, just saying there have been sacrifices. I have missed some kid stuff, some fun stuff, family time, etc.
Nine weeks until I turn in my last assignment, post, quiz, final paper, etc. Oh and if you don't know, I am an over achiever, so I have to get A's. I don't come undone often, but a bad grade is sure to send me over the edge. Needless to say they don't happen often. Donald survived....barely. He tried to "help", can you imagine a time less likely for me to accept help??
I never caught senioritis. I still want A's. I just can't accept anything except A's. Everyone has told me that towards the end I will stop caring. I have not. That being said, I am feeling antsy towards being done, combined with the need for great grades. I have said to a number of people, I hope I live to graduate. Silly of course because certainly I will. But I was unable to really get a handle on the exact feeling I am having until tonight when a friend posted something to me on Facebook.
I posted
Took almost an entire day away from the computer with the exception of school work. Got the patio more summer ready with color and greenery and I think I even relaxed for a little while. 9 weeks until school is over for me. I hope I live that long. It's getting hairy these days.
Great friend posted
You rock. You will do it with flying colors... Try to enjoy your success instead of trying to survive it! You have worked so hard. Take a little credit for your achievement.. I know you don't reward yourself but you need to pat yourself on the back!
Her post of encouragement made me think about being pregnant. Towards the end of my pregnancy with Sam (my oldest) I just wanted to survive. I was fat, tired, scared, unsure what to think, looking forward to a change while being intimidated at the same time. I also did not want to attend the birth of my child. I wanted her dearly, but I didn't want to be there to deliver her. Hello, that is the ultimate in scary (turns out it was easy and awesome).

I've concluded, I am pregnant with a degree. I'm fat, tired, scared, unsure of what this change means, and I don't want to attend graduation! I just want the degree. It's a two year plus pregnancy, I'm afraid I'll never lose the baby weight, that I won't be good enough to have such a great degree, and I have no idea what I will do with my time when I don't have school. Thanks for the deep thought Facebook friend.

This Blog

I have maintained a blog for a couple of years that some of you may have seen on Facebook or Twittter, or my email.  I am working to have my blog picked up by some larger sites and I am also working to launch a site dedicated to blended families, which many of us have experience with.   I have a column series launching later this month about strategies for success for blended families.  I will share links.  I am writing to ask you to share a link to your contacts and ask them to follow my blog so that I can foster my following.

 

Thanks so much for your support.  I hope you find my blog real, true, loving, funny, sincere, humble, open, and a work in progress,

Please comment - I love your comments no matter what - share the link!

]www.suzannecoleman.blogspot.com

Gratitude

A good friend of mine recently challenged her Facebook friends to find 1000 things they were grateful for.  That is a tall order.  I'm up for it, but for now, I think I'll find 100 and see where we can go from here.  Honestly this is in some order, but not "the" order.  So if you find yourself further down the list than you think you should be, don't sweat that stuff.  Some of the gratitude is very much in the moment as well, and therefor less big picture.  1000 will be way more granular, and I may never get there!  I'm at 30 and strgguling between big picture and granular stuff and how to rank them.  Wow how can I be so grateful and have such a tough time with this.  I'm still having trouble with big picture like family versus teeny picture like my kid....And I am at 48.  Going between 48 and 1000 where do you draw the line between I love my family and I am grateful there are no bugs in my bed?  For the record I am grateful there are no bugs in my bed even if it is at line 48ish.  I don't mean to make light, but where do you draw the line?  I think it is tough and I think my friend that made the challenge would have the same challenge.  Back to my work.  OK I gave up in the 70's.  1000 is HARD.

Quiet peace


Silence of my mind (more of a want that gratitude)

Freedom

Freedom of religion

The Military

Super intelligent people who need to find a way to lead

Love from my loves

Love that has no limits

www.suzannecoleman.blogspot.com

Well DUH of course I like my blog

My oldest daughter

My middle daughter

My youngest daughter

My son - even if he is angry with me

My fantastic supportive husband

Most of the kids seem to like me

Many wonderful friends

My wonderful parents

The connection I have with my Dad

The best Mother in Law

Friendly relationships

Sweet Parker Puppy

Nice kitties

Memories

Faith, even if I struggle

Peace, and the hope for less restlessness

Shared plans for the future

Time away

That I will graduate soon

My girls have good friends

Sports for the girls

Good grades for the girls

My good grades!

The opportunity to earn my degree

My work opportunities

Being uncomfortable because that's how I grow

Pajamas

Blogging as an outlet

Memories of grandparents, esp Papa

Gardening in my yard

Indoor home improvement

I graduate in May

I graduate with my best friend

Home/House

Resourcefulness

Kids that can do chores (finally)

OK, I love my Blackberry - it's not right but it is

Favorable tax returns

Outlook

Keywordmixer.com

Facebook

Blog sites that I like

Loud music when I am in the mood

The River

Vacations oh I miss you

Laughing with my vacation family

SNL - Some seasons

When my kids are successful

Technology

Learning new stuff

Love that I hate new home sales in 2011

My Starbucks thermal drinks

Fox news - Just saying

CNN - to be balanced

Sabrina - the movie

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

John Belushi

John Candy

Chris Farley

Phil Harrman

Justin Timberlake

Justin Timberlake - My Dick in a boc

Andy Samberg

Toonces the Driving Cat


Gratitude is so critical.  I don't know that I "get it" entirely, and I struggle sometimes, but I know it's all about wanting what you have than having what you want. 

I didn't get near 1000.  Share your comments.

Suzanne

I have a Dilemma - Share Your Opinion Please

Please tell me why I write blogs in the blog window online? Exactly how many posts will I need to lose due to fat fingers??

The answer, at least one freaking more and damn.

So I have a dilemma, and let's just say by dilemma, it's minor in the big picture. But I do have a decision to make. Believe me I have enormous fish to fry. So let's take on this minnow.

I started back to school in February of 2009. I aimed to earn my Bachelor of Science in Business Administration with a minor in Marketing, and I will finish in June of this year. It's been a battle. I have a very high GPA and I have worked my tail off. I have consistently shared with my girls that this is not the way to do college and that it is a very big deal to graduate. I truly feel that way, although I know I should have done so when I was young. Nonetheless, I have been an example to the girls, get your degree, and do it while you are young, and it's important. I get five tickets to commencement, I need more. I may be able to get them, I may not. My feeling is we all go, or none of us go, but I still have to decide if I want to go.

The dilemma. I have always made a big deal about graduation and walking in the ceremony. I am having second thoughts. So as a person that sees things very black and white, I find myself on the gray fence.

My Dad and Step Mom are coming out for graduation. They are very proud of me, and I love them for it. Because we live 3000 miles apart, we don't get to see one another the way I wish we could. So the visit is a treat. My kids adore time with them and I love time with them. Commencement will be 6 to 8 hours. Well probably 4 to 5 hours for my family, longer for me. This is to watch me walk across a stage for 2 seconds, get a fake diploma and listen to lame speaker. The more I think about it, the more I would rather spend the precious hours with my family.

The other side. My parents are super proud of me. Donald has lived with me for this time...he probably deserves a ceremony more than I. My Mother in Law has been my biggest fan, promising pom poms and fan fare just like she did for Donald. My best friend Charity is also graduating that day, in the same ceremony. So her family will be there. Our kids and families are close.

I really don't think I want to go. A ceremony doesn't change my hard work. It doesn't make me work any harder, because I always get great grades. I will still earn a degree with honors. So why am I still struggling? Help me out by sharing your comments.

A. Attend commencement

B. Skip and spend rare time with loved ones

C. Please explain the gray fence!

I Don't Have all the Answers

What?  I don't?  Yeah, I don't.  And although I pride myself on seeing things pretty black and white, with an ability to be on target with a plan....I find myself challenged.  To be fair, I am challenged on many levels.  We will discuss one here.

My youngest daughter is 11.  She is bright, socially accepted, loved by her teachers, liked by peers, given praise from leaders and fellow parents, gets good grades, and is an all around good kid.....BUT....yes, the big but....she fails to take responsibility for anything.

Five people in the house, she argues with four of us.  The fifth one is her and if she argued with that one, well, we have a different issue.  We all appreciate the art of negotiation....this kid...not so much.  We nail her on the inability to negotiate or take responsibility.  Guess what she does?  She fails to negotiate OR take responsibility.  

You can debate with this kid until you die.  She will not give in, she will not settle.  She will not see your way.  She will stay in her room as long as you demand.  She will say she gets it later.  But next time, she will be just the same.  

Advice.....how do you handle this kid?

The Way we Train our Kids

I'm sure I didn't invent any of the concepts I will talk about here.  My kids are 14, 13 and 11, all girls.  We have a blended family.   When my girls were younger, before I was remarried, I realized I trained the kids I had.  I think my girls were about six and three when I figured it out.  I had trained my kids that I only meant business by the time I asked the third time.  That I really meant what I said when I really yelled, not just raised my voice.   I got my way, every time, eventually.  The price was, I walked away feeling like I won by being the world's biggest jerk.

I trained the kids I had.  If it took six times to really get me to mean business, I guess I'd have kids that knew it took six times asking to really get them to do what I wanted.  If I asked and asked and never held them accountable, I guess they never would be.  We train the kids we have.  Parents who say they can't get their kids to do things have trained them not to do anything.  

I don't have perfect kids.  I have normal kids, they have issues, weaknesses and strengths.  However, I do know how to get results....most of the time.  I'm not a fool proof parent.  What I was lucky enough to learn when they were little is, I have control, not them, and if I allow them to take an inch, they will take a mile.  When I learned they did better with boundaries, even when it sucked for me, it was truly enlightening.  Any good parent knows it is WAY more difficult to be a good parent than a fun one.  Hopefully you love your kids enough to be a good parent.  The great news in my enlightenment was, I can be a good parent without walking away feeling like a jerk by setting boundaries. 

Years ago I used to have terrible mornings with the kids.  I nagged them to get up, yelled at them to get dressed, screamed when they weren't ready to get out the door at the right time.  I drove to work years ago feeling like a jerk daily.  I vowed to make it better, but day after day went the same.  Somehow things started to change.  I made the girls set alarms.  I made them accountable, without yelling.  They knew I would be more than happy to drive them to school in their PJ's and walk them in late and let them explain.  This was truly empowering.  I figured some of this out on my own, the rest came from my friend Shannon who offered me the Love and Consequences series of CD's.  I can't recall the author, but it was so simple and I'm sure a google search will yield the results.

The take away....give consequences with expectations and when the kid screws up, offer extreme sympathy but hold the line.  Example.  Kid needs to come home by 10 PM or the next night they must come home by 9.  Simple, you don't have to yell, you just set the scene.  Kid comes home at 10:15 PM.  You never yell, you never act upset.  Instead you say, Wow Kid, you came home late.  It is really going to suck when you have to be home even earlier tomorrow.  Your friends are going to be so bummed you have to leave even earlier.  I am so sorry that you have to go through that, your friends may tease you, that will be tough.   It sounds so lame, but on my word it works with kids of all ages. 

My kids were floored when I quit yelling.  I stopped feeling like the world's biggest jerk.  It took years to really hone it and I still have my days, but I am telling you.....it will amaze you.

Never Buy a Samsung Dryer

Will this be my funniest post, no.  Will it be interesting, not nearly as others about my crazy kids, birthdays or pets.  Do I have to write it, YES.  This one is about justice.

We bought a Samsung dryer in January of 2010.  If you know Donald you know he does his homework when we make the bigger purchases.  I tend to go less expensive, he pushes me to spend more, but always finds the best deal.  This is exactly what happened with the dryer.  I took a trip to Lowe's and Home Depot, he did some research and found our dryer at Sears for the best price.  Now here is where I fault the salesperson.  A salesperson should have the facts before they sell something.  I know retail stores have ridiculous budgets, pay next to nothing and training is relegated to a rep that may or may not exist.  I will rephrase that, I guess I can't blame the salesperson if they didn't have the facts, but I am done with Sears.  I was done with them before, but they did have a good deal.  No, I am done.

Here is what we and the salesperson did not know.  I'm going to presume the salesperson didn't know because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.   We never buy the extended warranty.  It's a total rip off, most of the time.  The two we have bought never panned out, but I do know a few people they have worked well for.  I always have faith that the things I buy will work more than 3 years.  What was I thinking?  So the dryer died last week.  Powers on, but won't work.  My handy dandy Donald took the back off and promptly diagnosed a frayed belt and proclaimed a cheap repair was to be had.

This brings me to my last appliance repair guy, found on Kudzu with good reviews.  He came to fix the last dryer we had, charged us $70 and it worked for about 3 days and then died for good.   In his defense, he warned us it could happen.  On a side note, I recommended him to a good friend and he didn't do a very good job, so he is off the list so to speak.  However, that same good friend found a good repair guy.  I was happy to have her recommendation.  Donald called the referral and he informed us that Samsung only uses authorized repair people and wished us good luck because we were gonna get reamed.

That repair guy was psychic because when we called La Mesa Appliance Repair they were more than happy to send a guy out and we did get reamed.  He walked in the door, informed me the trip charge was $69.95, and labor for the belt would be just over $130.  My husband had already taken the back off of the dryer...so he should have actually charged us half, but that's just me being snotty.  The belt was $22.  He was here 5 minutes, no lie, and he did not put the dryer back together.  It took me longer to write the check than it did for him to put the belt on.

That same week I heard Samsung shipped a bunch of laptops with keystroke tracking software.  So hopefully that and my mighty blog will deal them a blow from which they have difficulty overcoming.  HA

My Sweetheart

It's my sweetheart's birthday on April 3rd.  He's not feeling well so he went to bed, so I thought I would take this opportunity to write his birthday blog.   Donald and I have been married four years as most people know.  He is my third husband, as most people know.  He is also my favorite husband, as is most obvious by his wonderful demeanor, patience, love of our family, and so many other things.  He is a real man who understands what is truly important in this life.  I thank God for him every day.

Before we got married Donald I and ventured to the river a few times with the kids.  I will never forget the first trip we took to Parker with friends.  Donald grew up as a desert person and he rode his waverunner in the ocean.  The river was a new experience.  He had met some of the friends and many of the neighbors, but they had never been to the river with him.  Donald was literally a fish out of water when he busted out his waverunner gear.  When you are at the river, you wear a life jacket and you jump on your runner and go.  Donald, on the other hand, had booties, a rash guard, waterproof safe for paperwork, all the bells and whistles.  Everyone was good natured about it, and Donald laughed at himself.  He still takes way too much precautions in anchoring the boats, but he also has to deal with people like me, who constantly loses anchors to the bottom of the river.  I also run him over when we load the boats on the trailer, and he never gets angry.  If you read this, ask him about the time he burned the hair off his arms lighting a BBQ at the river.

Donald is an amazing Dad.  He has a capacity for love that has no boundaries.  He loves the girls at their best and at their worst all the same.  He has a strong shoulder for them to lean on and a hard line they cannot cross.  He is loving, but disciplined.  Caring, but not a door mat.  He is a young man's biggest challenge.   He is the girls' champion and advocate.  He supports all of their efforts and always go the extra mile for them.  He spends many weekends mostly devoted to their activities.   He enforces the rules with love and consequences.  He just about never raises his voice.  These girls will no doubt look back upon their childhood with respect and love towards this wonderful Father.  Not all Dads can go to bed at night with that kind of confidence.  Donald can, even if he doesn't know it.  During the years he was in school. he missed some of their activities.   He has more than made up for those years.  I hope to do the same.

Donald hates cats.  Oh wait, except the three he built an entire 14 ft high, 30 foot long catwalk for...he hates the rest of cats.  Oh wait, except the outside cats he helps feed and tame.  Yeah, the rest of cats.  Oh wait, except the cats of friends he pets.  Yeah, the rest of cats.  Oh wait, except the shelter cats he entertains when he services their account and sends me pictures of to make me jealous.  So, the rest of cats, those are the ones he hates.   So basically he likes cats.

Donald can fix anything, which is really good because I break a lot of stuff.  Years ago I put my ass through a wall (literally) and he fixed it.  He laughed his ass off, but he fixed it.  He fixes appliances, furniture, computers, walls.....The best part is, when he knows he is out of his league, he has no issue calling a professional!  He makes sure the cars are serviced, the yard is taken care of and household projects happen without me....because I screw stuff up!  I break stuff, he fixes stuff....a match made in heaven.

We have so many funny stories and inside jokes.  I cherish them.  The bathroom at Ross, lime in the eye, the Corona bottle, bacon, what??...I could go on.   Donald you are a wonderful partner and friend.  I am as lucky as anyone could be.  I think the world of you and thank God every day that you are in my life and the lives of our girls.

Relay for Life

If you know me, you know I Relay.  This is my 6th year.  My first experience with cancer was with my Paternal Grandfather.  Papa was diagnosed with Colon cancer in 1985 and he did not win his fight despite a valiant effort.  Many other extended family members fought the fight, some won, many didn't.  My Mom fought in 1991, she lost her battle ultimately, but not cancer.  Losing is losing though.  My Paternal Grandmother was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 1996.  She fought for years and was ultimately taken as a result of pneumonia.

I Relay because of my friend Bonnie.  She inspired me and her company matches our donations.  I continue to Relay because of the losses we have suffered.  Marilyn Gilmore, you were taken so fast.   I still think of you as Mom of the Year and such a Matriarch.   Jerry, you fought so hard.  That night at Kaiser was as unbearable as any moment could be.  We drove so fast, we prayed so hard.   Veronica, I only knew you through Johanna, but I knew you well.  I knew you and Lou and the kids and I felt the world change when we lost you.  Rosa, you joined our team and we let you into our hearts.  We love your family, your boys and we miss you.  We honor you.  We love you.

If you read this, don't you feel like you must get involved?  Relay is so easy.  Join the team, raise as much or as little as you like, walk all day, or don't even show up.  The site gives you tools to fundraise.  They make it easy.

You have been touched by cancer.  Friends, family, co-workers.   This is easy.  Please join the team or donate.  http://main.acsevents.org/goto/SuzanneColeman

Update on Life

I'm so bad about keeping in touch with the ones I care about.  I tell myself I will get better when school is over.  I hope I'm right.  Life has been so crazy.  I used to think things would be easier when the kids got older....I was wrong.  Not that I am complaining.

For anyone who does not know, I have been back to school with only one month off since February of 2009 in order to earn my BA - finally.   I finished a class today, I have only three left, and I graduate in May.  I have a 3.7 GPA and I am damn proud.  Now, I sure as hell should have done this 20 years ago, but better late than never.  I am fortunate that I can accomplish all the school work I need to nights and weekends, leaving me free to work away!

So we had a great success with The Vagina Monologues.   I am fortunate enough to be on the board of Bella Luna Educational Foundation.  The second annual production of The Vagina Monologues was great.  A wonderful group of 12 women on stage sharing this amazing experience.  We raised funds for three non profits in San Diego and brought violence against women and children into light. 

My next endeavor is the Relay for Life cancer walk.  I'll be posting on Facebook soon enough.  I am sure my friends are tired of all my causes, but I live for them.

So in the house this week, we had some turmoil.  Last Saturday night we were in the ER vet with Parker for an allergic reaction to a bug bite or bee sting.  A couple days after that one of the guinea pigs (Winnie Pig) died and just days after her burial, the damn fish died.  Enough already.

We decided to end the week on a good note.  Sam has her friend Carol over, Megan has Sara Rose, Haley has Sydney and Melody, and all are sleeping now!  I have a week off of school!  We had a great dinner.  I tried a new recipe.  Megan's team won their volleyball tournament. 

I think I can relax and take a breath.  I'm sure it won't last long.

Happy Anniversary Sweetheart

Donald, tomorrow is our 4th wedding anniversary.  I can't believe four years have gone by so quickly.  I can't say it has always been easy, but all things considered, the easy stuff has outweighed the challenges.  I thank God for you every day.  With all the difficulties of the world and the economy, thank God that you are always my soft place to land and the strong arms to hold me.

I am the luckiest woman in the world.   I have a wonderful partner in life who supports me no matter what.  When I volunteer for the 15th thing I don't really have time for (but love), he is there to help.  When I fostered litters of kittens, he grumbled a bit, but secretly had fun with them.  When I became the treasurer of the brownie troop, he spent hours helping me count cookie money.  When I started getting involved in the Relay for Life cancer walk, he jumped in head first.  When I became a board member for a non profit, he gave his time.  He does this because he loves me, but also because he is a real man with true family values. 

So, I hate to get so sappy here because I am so not sappy.  Bottom line, I adore you, I respect you and I think you are a fantastic husband and an even better father.  You are always the balance for me.  When I am at my worst, you are at your best.  We are such a great team in so many ways.  I keep tooting my own horn here, but I really mean to tell you how much I love you.    I love you for everything you are. 

Happy Birthday Annie

Hello friend, it's been a long time.  I miss you.  Life has gotten in the way of our friendship and I regret that.  I was sitting here in my living room, on my laptop, on Facebook and I realized your birthday was any second.  I don't like that I suck at sending cards, but I do.  I probably won't get any better.  However, please know I think of you all the time.

We met 22 years ago, how crazy is that?  I was a timid apartment tenant with a crazy neighbor and we met as a result of our conquest to get the kooks kicked out.  Thank goodness for the kooks, because we are a match made in heaven.  Two hilarious, independent, motivated, responsible and accountable females looking to make their mark in the world in some way.

I always admired your independent spirit, your work in school and willingness to slam a kamikaze.  Wow what good times we had.  Remember Gene at the bar?  What the heck was the name of that bar?  We had some good times. 

I hated you moving away to Irvine, but I understand.  Remember when we came to visit and we played Balderdash, and I was 8 months pregnant and had multiple accidents on your dining room chairs?  You've had a baby since then, so you probably pee on stuff now! 

I could go on for hours about my memories.  Point being, I miss you friend.  We need to make time for calls and emails.  Your son is a total sweet pea and I love that he has brought you such joy.  Love you.  Happy Birthday friend.

Kids These Days

As a parent I am all about raising good kids, with character, self esteem and social skills.  I teach my kids about responsibility, accountability and consequences.  I firmly believe that you train the kids you have.  If you train them that yelling is how you get results, you will be forced to yell to get results.  If you train them that you only get serious after you ask four times for something to get done, you'll need to ask four times to get anything done. 

These little people aren't as complicated as some might make them out to be.  Somehow along the way some parents have forgotten they are in charge, or perhaps being in charge is really hard, or they would rather be a friend to their kid rather than a parent.  I have always told my kids, and I believe that it is way more difficult to be a good parent than a friend parent.  A good parent is tough and draws boundaries, which kids really need.  A friend parent draws few boundaries and wonders why they have out of control children.  A good parent is sometimes called mean....this is fine...this parent loves their child enough to parent them and make sure they are turning an accountable human being out to the world. 

I was inspired to write this post first because I saw a post of Suri Cruise, child of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, using a binky at age 4 or 5.  Honest to God, if your kid can't self comfort themselves at that age, when will they?  These parents should be ashamed of themselves.  Get a backbone and make some rules.  It would appear that Suri has the control in this situation. 

The second thing that inspired me is some recent children of stars heavily bloated self esteem that I happen to come across.  Most notable the Smith children of Jada and Will Smith.  Trey portrayed the Karate Kid, which was produced by his parents, so presumably, he didn't really need to audtion.  His recent performance on the Grammy's, in my opinion was likely bought and paid for by his parents.  He seems talented, but has yet to really earn it in my opinion.  Daughter Willow has been featured on a few shows and she claims her song, "Flip my Hair" will change people's lives.  Yeah, I don't think so.  What I do think is these parents ought to know the tough road that is Hollywood, and instead of filling their kids heads with false confidence, they ought to give them a taste of realism.  

Certainly many of the assumptions I have made are generalizations and all kids are different, but the fundamentals are solid.

Judy it's your birthday blog! Love you

I get really annoyed when I write a good blog post and it disappears. Guess it's my fault, but it makes me mad and I was just getting to the good part!


Judy and I met in 1997 when my family was looking to pull an equity line from Grandma's house for a down payment on a new house we were all moving into before we sold Grandma's house. We walked in Great Western Bank and there we met Judy. Judy took us through the equity line, a refi, a new loan and another refi before we were done. She was professional and extremely resourceful in all aspects of our transactions.

Judy has subsequently taken me through a couple of other refi's for a variety of reasons, some fun, some not fun. So anyway Judy and I stayed in somewhat distant touch for all of these years. Judy is a master marketer to her client base. She's always had a knack for staying in touch. I found out Judy adopted Kayla years ago and we have somehow stayed connected. I have daughters, I did the single mom thing. Now I am married but my middle step daughter is adopted and we have friends that share kid issues. Us Mom's have to stick together.

Judy, I get you. We are both down to earth, keeping it real people. We call a spade a spade and we don't tolerate much in the way of crap. You have your Mom, and I know that is such a huge thing. I had my Grandma. We both have kids and challenges.

I just want you to know, I value your friendship. I think God that Kayla found her way to you. No matter what, you two were made to be Mom and Daughter and the world is a better place because Kayla has a soft spot to land and a Mom who will never give up on her. You have been resourceful beyond resourcefulness. Judy you are a fighter. You fight for yourself, you fight for Kayla, you fight for your Mom. You are everyone's advocate, and for that, many should thank you.

I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You are a Mom, Daughter, Sister, Advocate, Fighter, Case Worker, Playmate, Housekeeper, Cook, Laundry Person, Party Planner, Buyer of all household stuff, Bill Payer, CEO of the House, Education advocate, care advocate, so much more and to me.....friend.

I wonder who else out there can define all the roles of the important people of their lives.....Try

Shows That Have Jumped the Shark

Familiar with the term? If not, I didn't make it up. Recall the show Happy Days? If so, you may recall the latter seasons when Fonzie "jumped the shark" on his motorcycle. It was a clear indicator that the show was done. Cousin Oliver did it to The Brady Bunch. Extra kids were brought in when My Three Sons grew up. The Cosby show had Raven Simone, cute, but Rudy had grown up and the show had run its course. You get it.


The easy target here is Two and a Half Men. Even before Charlie Sheen went off the deep end, Rose, married to "Manny Quin"? CBS should have quit while they were ahead. Although given Sheen's recent behavior, they still may be ahead of the game.

How I Met Your Mother. Where else can this show go? Barney is, well, Barney. Well played by Neil Patrick Harris. Robin will stay single and continue to date dysfunctional men. Marshal and Lily, they can't have kids without ruining the already dead show. The cast is great, but there is nowhere else to go. The bar is the same, the apartment, the storylines, the fear of commitment by everyone except Marshal and Lily who can't live without each other. Meet the Mother already.

The Office. I have loved your awkwardness, even when it is almost too uncomfortable to watch. Sorry, I think you are done. The Sabre take over was done well and Kathy Bates is great as Jo, but we know Michael Scott is leaving. Jim and Pam have had a baby, Dwight and Angela have petered out, the new cast members are OK, but the original office feel is gone. Michael Scott and his uncomfortable relationships with Jan and Holly have run their course. Now Holly is just weird. I still love Kevin, Stanley and Phyllis, Jim and Pam too. The rest just don't appeal. Rumors of Ricky Gervais joining the cast, after his hosting of the Golden Globes, also don't appeal. I think The Office has come and gone....That's what she said.

Celebrity Apprentice. Gary Busey, LaToya Jackson, Richard Hatch, Star Jones....what other F list "stars" can we call? Anna Nicole Smith, oh whoops. The cast of Celebrity Apprentice 2011 is a train wreck. So I guess if Donald Trump is looking to cheapen his brand and go for the Jerry Springer effect, he's dead on. Celebrity Apprentice was an enjoyable competitive show once upon a time, even with controversy like Joan Rivers, Jesse James (before he jumped the shark with Bombshell Mchee) and Dennis Rodman. It was still a competition. This season is just going to be a race to Intervention.

Speaking of intervention. Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew is about done as well. Dr Drew might have a rebirth if he can land Charlie Sheen!

Lifelong Friend

Kelly, it's your birthday blog!  Now you are 40 just like me....in a few days.  I felt the need to write your blog early. Sorry, I had to do it.  I have a very close friend who turned 40 6 months before me and I had to give her heck too.

Our parents were friends before Kelly and I came along.  Our Dads worked at Pacific Bell long before we were even thought of.  Our Moms and Dads became fast friends and Kelly and I have been friends from the beginning.  We have pictures of us in bikinis at the beach from 1972 to prove it!

What wonderful memories I have of our childhood!   Remember singing in your parents big room to Funkytown?  Remember when you came to spend the night at my house for the first time and you whimped out late at night?  Remember the days your Mom took us to La Jolla Shores, and the sunburns?  I loved our camping trips in my grandparents RV with our parents.  You may not recall but one time our Dad's had my Mom convinced that there was a lake outside of Las Vegas that had native beavers that had just one eye and swam in circles.....my Mom was so gullable.  I always loved staying over at your house because your parents were so cool.  Mine probably were too, but other parents always seem better.  I can say that now because I am a parent. 

We lost a few years but I am so glad we have come full circle.  I was so happy to have your shower for you when you were pregnant with Michael and we reconnected.  Facebook has made it so much easier!  I love your updates and really like our getaway lunches. 

Happy birthday super mom, wife, teacher, doer of all things, the glue that holds your family together, organizer goddess, driver, carpooler, soccer mom, little league mom, trophy orderer, herder of parents who act more like cats than parents, party planner, money manager, maid, cook, pooper scooper, butt whiper, nose blower, kleenex giving, photographer, comfort food maker.....I know there is more you do.....the point is.....you do it all!  And you rock!  Love you.

Sister, it’s your birthday! It’s your Birthday Blog!


Rhonda, my Sis, my friend, my Mom in cahoots, my rock and my venting partner. What can I say? First, happy birthday love!

My Sis.
I married Rhonda’s Brother in 1995. Rhonda’s Brother proposed (with her permission) at her wedding, to me in 1994….I think. If you are already lost keep reading, I will make is simple. I married Rhonda’s Brother and the family had a surprise reception for us. I did not want a reception, but they didn’t listen, ever, and I love them for it now. My Mother in Law had a reception for us and Rhonda and her husband Jeff got us a limo for the night to party downtown. I love you Sis, but you know I have to tell on you. We went to a couple clubs. We all got hammered first of in the process. But Rhonda lost her ID…and we were young, so any club was gonna ID us. In the limo Rhonda realized she lost her ID. A discussion (read fight) ensued with Jeff. In the smoothest move ever Jeff opened the sunroof and tossed out his ID in a moment of horribly angry solidarity with Rhonda. Bottom line, we weren’t getting in any clubs. We drove home. Still an awesome night in my mind, love you guys.

Mom in Cahoots
Remember when Brooklyn spent the night here years ago and Sam and her spent all night up and snuck around at the age of about four???? Rhonda you had the genius mom idea to tell Brooklyn that Sam spilled her guts (which she didn’t) and we knew everything which in turn compelled Brooke to spill her guts (follow me) which allowed Rhonda to call me to compel Sam to produce the same (or better) information. One word – Genius As an only child, I have no talent for this stuff.

My rock and my venting partner, you know your power here. Love you Sis.

About You
How wonderful are you? Loved by friends, family and all who love and know you. You work amazingly hard at everything you do. I share your work ethic. You are bright beyond belief and you light up the world of everyone you touch. You are so memorable and charismatic. You have never met a stranger. You inspire everyone who meets you.

Mom, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Niece, Friend, Love.  Happy Birthday Sister

Adina's Birthday

Hello friend.  I hear you have a birthday coming, and yes I know you are younger than me. It seems everyone is these days.   In my mind I justify that fact by knowing my kids will be long gone before I am near 50.....and yours won't.  In your defense you had a lot of fun and adventures before you had kiddos.  We didn't do that, so we feel compelled to do so as soon as they get the hell away from us.

We have wonderful memories of you both.  Heath, I must omit your ass in these memories.  When we all started going to the river we had such fun.  The week we had theme dinners was so fun, and when Adina yelled, "and Gators too" to the senior "security" force we all lost it.

What about the time that Donald used your BBQ, not knowing the propane had been running for 20 minutes.  He lit the BBQ and all his arm and face hair on fire at one, while following Heath's directions...while simultaneously sharing the spotlight of Adina flying out of the trailer, missing 2 steps with Lily the poodle in tow.  Adina landed perfectly, while saving her pup.  It was impressive.  Donald's burns pailed in comprison....although he was pretty freaked,

Lena's Birthday

Well Lena it is your birthday.  Because none of us keep in decent touch (including me) I am not sure of your age.  I know you are younger than me, and I think Kris is as well.  Steve is older.  I turned 40 late last year.  Grrr.  I'm guessing you are about 35 because my Grandma took me to your house 100 years ago when you were a newborn and I got to hold you.  You were the first baby I held...remember, I am an only child.

We always loved the way you said your name, Lena Bon Gonni...meaning Lena Evonne Ghianni I believe.  Grandma always wanted to make sure you got her her cross and chain necklace....I hope you did, if not I will find it and see that you get them.

I miss being in touch with your side of the family.  Hope we can reconnect soon.

Cousin Suzanne

Happy Birthday Cousin

Happy Birthday Cousin Gail!  You have had quite a ride these last few years.  I don't need to remind you of your trials.  But I do want to mention that I am so sorry about the recent passing of your Mom....my Grandma's Brother's Son's wife (wow).  How many fantastic childhood memories I have of your grandparents, parents, relatives and you kids, even though I was the kid back then. 

So in your birthday blog, I will share my memories of you, my cherished cousin.  Growing up as an only child, my information was limited.  My Mom's family was almost entirely off limits (as they should have been).  My Dad's family was limited to Grandma's side, which is where you fell Gail.  My first memories are in about 1976 when much of the Michigan clan came to San Diego.  Richard and Pat with Rick and Sherry and Earl and Joe with Mikey and Marla came to stay at my house.  I was about 5.  Everyone got the stomach flu.  I was the last to get it, and I missed the fun stuff. 

I think that Art and Irma, Jimmy and Hedwiges, Margaret and Dee and Alice and Paul, along with Nick and Helen were staying at my Grandma's house, Von and Jim to you.  I don't remember a lot about that visit.

But in 1980, I know you came to visit Gail.  You were held in high standard with my Grandmother.  She raved about you Gail!  You are the woman who can manage 15 things at once.  I think I must have got the message because I only feel comfortable when I have at least 14 things going at one time.  You are a Mom, a career woman, a wife, a caretaker, friend and family member, and I can relate to you on many levels.  You do too much and you over extend yourself in the name of love and empathy. 

In the couple of summers I spent with you and your family I learned so much about what family means.  I loved my summers in Michigan, trips to Frakenmuth, catching fire flies, sparklers, staying my grandparent's RV and real family fun

I have two items on my desk, that I have literally had on my desk since I had a desk, that you painted.  Thank you for the inspiration.

Bless you cousin, you are an inspiration to many and a blessing to all.

Suzanne

Happy Birthday Dave - Pop

Well here is an interesting story.  When I was ten or so my Mom went into rehab for alcoholism after a long stint in the hospital getting a liver shunt and almost dying.   One of the jokes I used to hear at AA meetings with my Mom was when she went into rehab everyone wanted to meet her and talk to her....as happens in rehab I guess.  She stayed in her room for a few days.  Once she came out, I guess everyone wished she would have stayed in her room....she was apparently real pleasant.  I was ten and basically shielded from any ugliness, which was good.  

So Mom met Dave while in rehab.  Dave was a counselor there, and I know he helped her a great deal.  A relationship ensued and he became my Step Dad at probably the worst possible time for him. For me, looking back, I hit the jackpot.  I was pretty pissed at my Mom for a lot of things.  I was living with my Dad when Mom and Dave got together.  At some point my Dad and I were butting heads enough that we needed a break.  As I have explained in another post, my Mom and Dad had the genius idea (seriously the best thing they ever did) to let me stay in the house I was raised in, Dad would move out and Mom and Dave would move in.   At this point I was 13 and angry.  Not a good combo.

Dave was wonderful to me, no matter how rotten I was.  He never tried to push discipline on me, never tried to boss me around and was always the voice of reason when my Mom and I were going at it with each other.  Of course I would not have said this when I was 13!! 

Dave got really pissed at me once, just once.  I was a pig in my room, but once every so often I would go on a cleaning spree and really get organized.  Dave wasn't a pig by any means, but he did hang onto stuff.  Around his chair was piles of magazines, articles, information, books, etc.  One day I was feeling particularly organized so I "cleaned" around his chair.  Yeah, that didn't go over well.  He didn't like it a bit!  Funny thing, when I lived my my Dad we had a maid and the first time she came she tossed out two trashbags of stuff from my room and I flipped and went through every bit of it....so it's not like I should have known.  Oh well, besides that he was never mad at me, that I knew of, so I can't complain.

27 years later Dave lives in Florida and I still send him nasty birthday cards about how old he is.  When he gets really old I guess I will have to stop that....and I turned 40 this last year.  He had 30 years of revenge due to him....I have to say he was nicer than I thought.

So today is his birthday and I was only able to leave a message for him.  So, Pop, I love you very much, happy birthday.  Thanks for putting up with far more than you should have and I know you know what I mean.  You have been a wonderful Step Dad and role model and I am grateful that you are in my life.  Love you!

Happy Birthday Papa Jump

Yep, another birthday blog.  I am really enjoying these birthday blogs.  Hopefully readers are as well.  This birthday blog is for Bob Jump.  Bob, I call him Dad, is the Step Dad of my ex husband.  We take blended families to new levels in this family.  I'm hoping that trend does not continue because it's already pretty tough to follow.

So Dad's birthday is today and I didn't call him.  I'll make that better tomorrow, but at least wanted to get a blog written so he knows I was thinking about him on his special day.  I just had to remind his son to call...I'll have to make sure I get credit for that, but I don't want to call this late.

I met Dad back in 1992 I believe, possibly late 1992.  Anyway, Dad and Mom, welcomed me into their family very quickly.  As an only child with a small circle of family it was a little overwhelming, but it was also great.  I was invited to all family dinners and loved the fun family times.  So one Christmas, most of us kids were married by then, Mom asked for some grandkids.  So we delivered, literally.  I think between all five kids we delivered about 10 grandkids in just a few years.  I think there is a total of like 16 now!

Dad has always been a wonderful babysitter, entertainer and teacher to the girls.  He spent many a weekend on the floor letting babies climb all over him.  We were lucky enough to live right around the corner for a few years so we had fun pool time and lots of frequent visits and dinners.  It was awesome having them so close by.  Sam and Brooke in particular knew if Grammy said no, Papa might say yes!  The girls had him wrapped around their fingers.

When our marriage became difficult Dad was there to help and counsel us.  He was always fair and considerate and guided us that no matter what our kids come first and despite the divorce that is something we have always held fast to.  Thank you for that.

When I married Donald, you graciously attended the wedding and for that I am very grateful.   I value being part of this family.

These days we find our time together is much more limited.  You travel and we know you love that, but we do miss you.  It was great to see you on Halloween.  It was also great to see you at the service for your Mom.  She will be missed, I always loved her sense of humor and tell it like it is way.  Anyway it was great to see your siblings and all the cousins.  We need to find happy reasons to get together, like your Birthday!!  But I hear you are in AZ.  So have fun on your travels and I hope you had a wonderful Birthday!

Love you!

I'm an Excellent Driver

I’m sitting here on the couch with my 14 year old that is sick, reflecting on my day. She, Sam, spiked a crazy fever tonight after a week on steroids for asthma and antibiotics for an upper respiratory infection. Nine days into this and she spikes a major fever. She’s sleeping next to me on the couch. I wanted her close to me.

I had no idea my day would wrap up like this. Of course, like everyone else, I can’t predict how my day will play out. I guess if any of us could we might never leave the house. I have a bit of a soda habit these days. After taking the kids to school I head to McDonalds for my extra large Diet Dr Pepper. This morning was no different, except….after procuring my soda, I turned out of the drive thru only to hear the horrible sound of the side of my new car being, what I thought was, destroyed.
Now see, here is where you need some history. The streak I thought was over started years ago when I had my mini van. Some knucklehead backed into my side door with my girls in the car. No injuries, his family paid for the damage. My next car was a Camry SE, very cute, V6, black, OK cute for a MILF car. I had multiple incidents in that car, the last of which involved a BobCat Dozer, an illegal alien, and a prolonger repair process. My next car was a new Camry Mom edition. No V6, very boring. In the second week of owning the car I was rear-ended on the freeway. Then each corner of the front bumper was munched and I know some other crap happened, but I can’t recall right now. I had to get out of that car. So we got the new car…the one I destroyed this morning.
So I pulled into the parking lot, knowing the car was jacked. As I got out of the car I debated calling Donald before or after or during the time I saw the damage. I decided not to call at that time. I got out of the car. The drive thru girl was hanging out of the window. Oh lord I felt lame. So I walked to passenger side of the car and was amazed. It appears that the plastic wrap around bumper was disengaged, but bounced back prior to cracking and the only sign of an issue is the seam where the clip is bent. I think it can be totally fixed, easily. I told the hubster about it late in the day. Guess he’s been around long enough to know I am a chick driver. I hate that.

But then you come home and you see what’s really important.

Renee it's Your Birthday

Hi long lost Cousin, it's your Birthday.  Renee was born after me, to my Mother's Brother Gary and his wife Kathy.  I think Renee might be named after me, but I can't be certain.  My middle name is Rene, hers first is Renee.  Our Mom's are gone, so I can't verify that.  Her Dad and my Mom were Brother/Sister.

Renee is a few years younger than me and I recall being very pleased to have a cousin.  I loved spending time with Renee when she was a baby, but our families did not get together often.  I have few memories of Renee when we were little.  I do recall our other cousin Dustin being afraid of us, he was right in between in age.  Renee has a Brother Dave, younger.  I recall very little from their house, but I know their Mom left when they were young.  I don't  know the circumstances, I was way too young.  I know Uncle Gary married Pam, and she seemed so wonderful.  Perceptions of step parents can vary.....don't I know it....another blog.  Thank goodness I had wonderful ones, and I hope I am a good one.

Their Dad married and I had little contact for years.  Some of that was just family crap, some the fact that we really didn't talk, some other things.  As an only child of an only child, I missed having cousins readily at hand.  Our families had their issues.   There were many years when we met at the holidays and it was awkward at best.  Talk about feeling like the red headed step child....and remember, I found out this grandparent passed away from the ice cream lady.

OK, but Renee, my only girl cousin.  I know you are not having fun these days.  I know you are not my biggest fan.  I can tell you only one thing.  I speak the truth.  I know exactly where you are at.  I know how to pick you up from where you are.  You can either continue in your victim mode, or you can rise above it and rescue your children and yourself.  The choice is yours and you can make 1000 excuses, but you have ALL THE POWER.  Renee, stop being a victim.  You can do anything you want if you just quit fighting everything.  I love you and wish you the best.