Ever since I finished my degree and the stress of school has been off of me I haven't felt the need for the blog outlet. I guess school was that thing that broke the camel's back because I still have the economy, three kids, two teenagers, one preteen whose attitude may very well equal that of a hat full of assholes, too many sports, your grades were what?, emergency rooms, you're allergic to what?, my student loan is due, and I could go on for at least three more blogs. It seems the time has come for the outlet again.
Now what do you ask is the most recent need for this outlet? I have these conversations with these people in my home. People who have small children post funny conversations they have with their children on Facebook. I remember those. That was back when I thought parenting was really difficult. I had NO IDEA. One time a thousand years ago Sam was three and in the back seat of the mini van back when I had a mini van and the conversation went like this:
Sam: "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH Loud Noises Blah, Non Sense" For like 10 minutes straight
My 80 year old Grandmother was in the car and I'd had about enough
Me: "Sam that's enough noise, be quiet"
Sam: "LA LA LA LA TELE TUBBIES BLAH"
Me: "Sam, enough or I'll pull the car over"
Sam: (30 seconds into the silence) "Mommy are you going to pull the car over now????"
OK so that's funny
She was three
She is 15 now. I have these conversations with these people in my home. I am an adult. Sometimes I feel like there are cameras in my home and someone will pop out from "behind the scenes" and the whole thing will be an episode of candid camera, or sometimes the Dr Phil show (I would kick his ass) or some other unreal reality show. One thing is for sure, I had no idea I'd be having these conversations.
Sam: "I feel sick, like I might throw up"
Me: "How can I help"
Sam: "You can't"
Me: "Wanna sleep down here?"
Sam: "No"
Me: "Want some tea?"
Sam: "No"
Me: "Want me to come upstairs?"
Sam: "No"
Me: "How can I help?"
Sam: "You can't"
Me: "What do you want me to do?"
Sam: "Nothing"
Me: "OK"
Sam: "I feel horrible"
Me: "Sorry"
Sam: "I just feel hot and cold and disgusting"
Me: "How can I help"
Sam: "You can't"
-Silence- She won't go away
Sam: "I'm going to barf"
Me: "OK did you catch a bug?"
Sam: "I don't know, My stomach hurts"
Me: "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"
Sam: "I feel hot"
Me: "Can you go to bed?"
Sam: "I'm dizzy"
Me: "Why are you dizzy?"
Sam: "I'm thirsty"
Getting the gist here.....the kid makes no freaking sense.....12 years later. I've always said it, it's like a who's on first routine. It doesn't help that she is on prednisone right now for her asthma, but this is a relatively normal occurrence.
Parents of precious little kids who say funny things you post on Facebook, enjoy that. In the wink of an eye they are going to say things that make you think you must surely be on a reality show because there is no sane explanation for why they are saying the shit they are saying. Worse yet, you are gonna say some really stupid stuff back.
Now what do you ask is the most recent need for this outlet? I have these conversations with these people in my home. People who have small children post funny conversations they have with their children on Facebook. I remember those. That was back when I thought parenting was really difficult. I had NO IDEA. One time a thousand years ago Sam was three and in the back seat of the mini van back when I had a mini van and the conversation went like this:
Sam: "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH Loud Noises Blah, Non Sense" For like 10 minutes straight
My 80 year old Grandmother was in the car and I'd had about enough
Me: "Sam that's enough noise, be quiet"
Sam: "LA LA LA LA TELE TUBBIES BLAH"
Me: "Sam, enough or I'll pull the car over"
Sam: (30 seconds into the silence) "Mommy are you going to pull the car over now????"
OK so that's funny
She was three
She is 15 now. I have these conversations with these people in my home. I am an adult. Sometimes I feel like there are cameras in my home and someone will pop out from "behind the scenes" and the whole thing will be an episode of candid camera, or sometimes the Dr Phil show (I would kick his ass) or some other unreal reality show. One thing is for sure, I had no idea I'd be having these conversations.
Sam: "I feel sick, like I might throw up"
Me: "How can I help"
Sam: "You can't"
Me: "Wanna sleep down here?"
Sam: "No"
Me: "Want some tea?"
Sam: "No"
Me: "Want me to come upstairs?"
Sam: "No"
Me: "How can I help?"
Sam: "You can't"
Me: "What do you want me to do?"
Sam: "Nothing"
Me: "OK"
Sam: "I feel horrible"
Me: "Sorry"
Sam: "I just feel hot and cold and disgusting"
Me: "How can I help"
Sam: "You can't"
-Silence- She won't go away
Sam: "I'm going to barf"
Me: "OK did you catch a bug?"
Sam: "I don't know, My stomach hurts"
Me: "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"
Sam: "I feel hot"
Me: "Can you go to bed?"
Sam: "I'm dizzy"
Me: "Why are you dizzy?"
Sam: "I'm thirsty"
Getting the gist here.....the kid makes no freaking sense.....12 years later. I've always said it, it's like a who's on first routine. It doesn't help that she is on prednisone right now for her asthma, but this is a relatively normal occurrence.
Parents of precious little kids who say funny things you post on Facebook, enjoy that. In the wink of an eye they are going to say things that make you think you must surely be on a reality show because there is no sane explanation for why they are saying the shit they are saying. Worse yet, you are gonna say some really stupid stuff back.
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